Weight ain't nothin' but a number.....

Scales are bad!  They make you feel bad about yourself.  I think there is some sort of government conspiracy behind them.  I'm just not sure how to prove it.

Supposedly, the ideal weight for a woman of my age and my height is 140.  I think I literally laughed out loud at that.  The minimum is 115, the maximum is 159.   Ouch, that hurt!  So I've got a ways to go before I'm at the "maximum".  And seriously?  115?  I'd be a bobblehead doll for sure.  That doesn't seem even remotely healthy.  But at least I have something to strive for.  140 here I come!  Oh wait, that would require me to use a scale.  Since I'm boycotting them, that's a problem.  Yay me, there are lots of ways out there to calculate how fat I am!

Recent research says that a woman's waist should not be above 35 inches.  Ideally, a woman's waist should be 30 inches or less.  Oh dear.  That is definitely going to be a problem.  Have you ever taken one of those tape measure thingys and made a circle that's only 30 inches?  Its so freakin tiny!  Recently on The Talk, Sara Gilbert said her waist is 24 inches!  What the....  I'm pretty sure she's not human.

I need a way to track progress, so I've decided to go with measurements.  So I'll start with Bust.  Now that number is not too bad.  I wouldn't mind going down in inches.  However this is the area that most women lose weight first and that's not always a good thing.  But not too bad. 

Now, on to Waist.  Um, that number can't be correct.  Maybe I should re-measure.  I'm going to try at the smallest part of my waist.  Which is where???  Maybe its under that roll.  Oh yeah, there it is!  And that did not help.  I'm getting discouraged. 

Let's just move on to hips.  Holy mother of Gumby, that is not good.  That is Kardashian-esque.  Aren't they supposed to be hot?  Does that mean I'm hot?  Do I have to start spelling everything with a K now?  That seems kontemptible and konvoluted.  This did not go quite as I expected.  Now what?

Time for the positive spin!  (My hubby will be so proud.)  I've got a starting point!  There's only one way to go from here.  Up!  No, wait, down.  Ok, whatever.  There's only one way to go: skinnier.  I kan do this!

Has anyone else done their measurements and been kompletely disappointed?  If so, fill me in!

We are moving on to week 3 of "Couch to 5k"!  It starts getting hard from now on.  I'll be sure to fill you in on that koming up soon!

Fatty, meet Skinny

Fatty McButterpants is a great friend of mine.  I've truly enjoyed the times we've spent together.  Its been great and delicious.  Skinny McSkinnerson used to be a friend of mine.  But she disappeared.  Honestly, I think Fatty might have eaten her. 

Skinny and I used to hang out all the time.  To steal a line from Forest Gump, we were like peas and carrots.  But then we gradually drifted apart.  I'm not sure what exactly the turning point was, but one day she disappeared.  And then I discovered my true love: everything that is bad for me.  Donuts, cheese, white bread, chocolate, ice cream, Velveeta, pastries, chocolate!  I didn't leave out chocolate, did I?  I guess Skinny wasn't too big of a fan of all that.

I also met two things very special to me:  my couch and my DVR.  What?!  I missed the last 2 episodes of Tori and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood?!  I must sit here for the next 2 hours and watch them.  Good thing my DVR knows to record these shows for me.

Well, I need to ditch Fatty and reacquaint myself with Skinny.  Time to get back in shape.  Oh wait a minute, I was never IN shape.  Now, I've always been A shape.  I'd probably classify my former self as a rectangle back when Skinny and I were friends.  Now, I'd go with more of a circle.  Skinny came so easily to me.  I didn't have to bat an eye.  But then one day, Fatty came even easier.  Maybe that's just life.  But I'm no longer satisfied with that life.

So now I'm more determined than ever to get Skinny back in my life.  I think.....  Ok, maybe I'm determined to be determined.  That might be more like it.  I'm going to set some goals!

1.  Be able to run.  (without hurting myself)
2.  Work my way up to a 5k by summer. (terrified!!!)
3.  Do the Warrior Dash July 30.  (also without hurting myself)
4.  10k!  (hyperventilating)
5.  Half-marathon (I think I'm changing my mind now)

Oh there should probably be other goals along the way.  I should probably even start with smaller goals.  But I'm not that bright.  I've actually been exercising 3-4 times a week for about 6 weeks.  That's a good start, right?  And I plan on eating better.  Someday I'll get to that.  Tomorrow?  Okay, today.  (insert sad trumpet music here)  Wait!  Its Easter time!  I know I don't celebrate it but come on!  Cadbury Cream Eggs!!!  Chocolate Bunnies!!!  Peeps!!!!  Hold on, I need to wipe the drool off my keyboard.

I thought maybe if I blog this, it will keep me motivated.  And it gives me an outlet to vent.  Any encouragement or inspiration is welcome and needed!  Any criticism you can post on your own blog.  :)

Here we go!  Its so going to be a bumpy ride!